How to Have a C-Section

     It's a pretty arrogant article title, don't you think? "How to Have a C-Section" - I mean, come on. Natural childbirth is harder, right? Probably, but I wouldn't know. My body just wouldn't have a kid naturally. In the, "No way, not having it, are you crazy, lady?" sort of way.

With my first kid, I was in labor for 20 hours, she still hadn't dropped (so high that the doctor couldn't even turn her) and she was sunny-side up. So, in we went and I vomited through the ENTIRE procedure. Fun times. She came out looking like an alien with the pointiest head I have ever seen. Thankfully, that corrected itself or she would have grown up looking like Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants.

My second C-section was much easier. In fact, it was the easiest of the three. I went into labor, a friend drove me to the hospital and stayed with me until my husband arrived, they put me in a bed and gave me drugs until the doctor could get to me. I'm funny when I am on drugs. A friend of mine, who is a twin, was one of my nurses during the C-section. After they doped me up, I told her I saw two of her, but if her twin was with her, I would be seeing four. Funny, right? I also talked a lot about Challa French Toast from a local diner. Then...oh, look...a baby!

This was pre-vomit..obviously.

My third C-section was also fairly easy. I mean easy as far as having a major operation at the same time you have a newborn can be. I went into labor, they took me back, gave me meds and I vomited. Of course, I vomited. The doctor wanted to know what I had eaten. Um, 1/2 of a hamburger and some ice cream, of course. Next question: WHY? Well, I didn't know I was going to go into labor. Duh. Then, another baby!

So, I still haven't answered the question, have I? How do you have a C-Section? Drugs, my friend. Drugs.

How to Practice Embarrassing Your Kids

       For as long as I can remember, I have loved to make people laugh. I'm not a professional comedian, by any stretch. In fact, while growing up, my family always said that I was my biggest fan. It's true...I crack myself up. I do think that my wit was much quicker, brighter and funnier before kids. That, of course, is primarily due to the fact that I still had brain cells that weren't taken up with poopie diapers, milk spills and a toddler deciding to wash her own hair - after getting the poopie diaper in it. Now, it's a slower - much slower - kind of funny.

It is just this side of me that I think will be perfect for embarrassing my children later. I mean, I can still totally embarrass my mom by breaking out into a dance in the middle of a store. Have I mentioned that I will be 40 next year? I do feel she should be much more accustomed to this (and by this, I mean "me") by now. So, of course, the potential for embarrassing 3 girls in their teen years is astronomical.

They have years ahead of them in which to be embarrassed by me...
lucky little ones!

Right now, my kids are 1, 4 and 7. Great ages, but we aren't quite to the "you are embarrassing me, Mom" stage. Their dad and I are still their superheroes. The INCREDIBLES of their lives, if you will (see what I did there?). When does that change? I don't even know, but I think it will either creep up slowly or hit like a sledgehammer. It will creep up with the 7-year old. The 4-year old is already a sledgehammer (her nickname is Tiny Viking), and it's too early to tell with the 1-year old, but one can hope she just tiptoes into it.

In order to stay somewhat sharp for embarrassing them when they are older, I still dance in the middle of stores, skip through the parking lot of the grocery store and sing off-key (that part isn't actually on purpose) in public. The great thing is that they do it with me right now and those moments are beautiful.

By the way, in a TMI moment, I'd like to reveal that this almost 40-year old has a hard time not biting her nails, sometimes wears pigtails, talks way too much, laughs at her own jokes and goes a little crazy when she hears people chewing. All of this has led me to the conclusion that I don't have to practice now for embarrassing my kids in the future. MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN PRACTICE. I mean, I have aced the test years before actually having to take it!

So, please, don't worry, parents of young ones. You will be perfectly capable of embarrassing your children for years to come. Just be you. Apparently, that is all it takes.

we got it

we henigins, we're an interesting lot...from the biggest to the smallest.  we are nerds.  we might deny it.  we might try to hide it from the outside world.  well, until i decide to proudly claim it on a blog.  let me give some examples.

1).  we wear socks with our keens.  in my defense, i do only do that when camping.  doug, however, might be caught at anytime and anywhere, in them.

2).  we wear sunglasses when its pouring rain outside cuz that's just the way we roll.

3). we wear headbands.

4).  we set up redneck water parks in our driveway

5).  we watch cartoons while wearing a watering can on our head.

6).  we take selfies while pretending to be asleep...well, at least the one with the camera is pretending!

7).  when we do sleep, we sleep...interesting.

8).  we wear the dog's muzzle when we can.

9).  and, most importantly, we are ready for the inevitable alien invasion.

you can't be taught this kind of cool, people.  you've either got it or you don't.  and the henigins?  yeah, we got it.

biographies, cynicism, fantasies and a surprise ending

let's pretend i'm a consistent blogger and it is normal to find random blog posts about library books on this site. 

i actually got to go to the library by myself today, which means i actually got to visit the adult section.  a rarity when you have a toddler. 

my sister (corrie) had given me several recommendations of non-fiction and biography books to try out.  somehow, she always manages to find really interesting ones so i typically tap into that book source when i need suggestions.  as luck would have it, my library didn't have any of them. first, i wandered down the non-fiction area.  without a recommendation that's like looking for a needle in the haystack.  plus, sometimes i just have to have a break from my obsession with the Holocaust, survivor stories and genocides (macabre, i know). so, i started wandering down the biography section.

biography section:  (1) full of books of many, many, many, many people
                                  (2)  full of multiple books by multiple authors on the same people

cynical thought #1 while browsing:  it is amazing how many people that i could care less about have books written about them that i can't even feign an interest in (how'd you like that use of that book word, doug?)

cynical thought #2 while browsing:  well, i probably wouldn't read a book about my life, either

so, after my pointless wandering and wondering in the biographies section, i went to the fiction section.  i like fiction.  typically i like historical fiction, but over the last few years I've gotten into fantasy, as well.  it's fun to escape into a world that doesn't look anything like ours.  i mean, who wouldn't ride a dragon if they had the opportunity?  that's just a no-brainer.  the problem is that sometimes i want to feel smart and as though i'm actually learning something.  but, until corrie and my library can sit down and have a discussion about what books the library should stock, i guess i'm stuck riding dragons.

and let's be honest about books in general... reading anything after A Tale of Two Cities is just a disappointment, anyway.

surprise ending: it is probably one of the last times i'll be in the library alone or be able to read for awhile anyway.  there will be a Henigin again on October 6th!

a little surgery here, a little surgery there

WOW!!  it has been a crazy last two and half months...and i used capital letters, so you know i'm serious.

doug and i made our trip to california.  we were so blessed to have mia's grandparents and then her aunt come to keep her.  california was, i believe, beautiful for that time of year.  i wouldn't really know, not regularly being there that time of year and because my view of california primarily consisted of the hospital and a hotel room.

here i am, hoping for the best, right before being drugged and dragged wheeled away.

the good/great news is that it seems the surgery worked!  i confess that there is this little knot of fear in me that, once the surgery pain is gone, i will find that i still have the nerve pain.  i keep trying to make that fear go away, but it is rather tenacious! 

if you are squeamish at all, i wouldn't recommend reading further...or looking at the pictures! 

dr. chen cut into my left side and cut tissues towards my back in order to blow up a balloon the size of a small nerf football to have room to work.  that back area was quite painful for long time.  several times i was actually concerned that i had ripped out the stitches.  that being said, look at what a wonderful job he did with the incisions!

now comes the really interesting part.  dr. chen burrowed all the way down to where the mesh was put in three years ago (i had bi-lateral inguinal hernia repair, which is very rare for women, especially young women), and where i have had chronic pain and two other surgeries not counting the initial surgery and this latest surgery.  back to the point...he burrowed down behind the mesh.  by doing this, he was able to not only avoid all of the scar tissue from the previous surgeries, but he was able to sever the three nerves above where the nerve damage had occurred.   he was also able to see and photograph the work done in the initial surgery.  in the picture below, you can see a thin, very straight line (crease) above the silver instrument.  that is the top of the mesh.  now, do you see that thick cord going directly under and into that mesh?  THAT IS THE NERVE.  let me translate...the first surgeon anchored the mesh directly atop the nerve.  again a translation...nerve damage.

 

 

 

  

a friend of mine asked me if it was validating to actually be able to have proof of why i have had chronic pain and surgeries for the last three years.  the answer is yes.  i want to take the above picture to the original surgeon and say, "see, i'm not crazy."  well, okay, i am not crazy about this, anyway.

so, where am i now?  i am healing, but very slowly.  i thought it would be a quick healing, but it has proven rather difficult.  dr. chen did tell me that healing would take my body longer simply because it has been through so much.  but, we think it worked!  i can't run right now, of course (which i desperately long to do), and i can't deep clean my house (aw, shucks), and i can't grocery shop (a pain, actually), but...

i can now care for mia by myself, i can run errands cautiously, i can get through my days without hydrocodone (well, most of them), and i can tell that the pain is from surgery healing and not continuing nerve pain!

i am so very thankful for dr. chen, my incredibly patient husband, helpful friends and family and the prayers from all over the world that were said on my behalf.

so, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

poor earl

last week i had a conversation with my mailman (whose name is earl)...

while trying to hide behind the door...

while trying to keep rooney from barking so that the baby would stay asleep...

with earl trying to hand me packages...

with me trying to block rooney inside the house...

WHILE WRAPPED IN NOTHING BUT A TOWEL.

mia still woke up.

a shot and a miss

this is what i get for trying to be a fun and funky mom.

shoot.  

miss.

 i'm not a fun and funky mom, i'm just a mom with messed up hair now.  sigh. 

though i do keep going back and forth on whether or not i like it.  i usually like it in the morning and hate it by evening.  i can't get it fixed for several weeks, though, because my hair will fall out...or something like that.

so, until i go blonde again, i will be a redhead.  this is what i get for wanting something different!  haha~sometimes life is just funny.