does this mean my streak as the perfect mom is over?

tied up with string: artist

yep, my friends, it is time for my first ever favorite things post!  i included the exclamation point because i am excited to write it and i am trying to instill excitement in you to read it.  so make me feel as if my time has not been put to waste and GET EXCITED!  this "tied up with string" post will just focus on one favorite thing - but such an incredible thing!

ARTIST:  ABERNATHY BLAND

i know this ultra-cool artist here in richmond.  abernathy bland recently had an art show at which doug and i purchased several prints.  we purchased them for a playroom, but her prints are adult and child friendly!  i LOVE her whimsical style, as well as the nuggets of wisdom her art portrays.  i think, though, that i most love how abby's art encourages me to be me and to celebrate the quirkiness of me!  oh, yes, and adventure - she definitely encourages adventure!  as if all of this wasn't awesome enough, she writes a blog, as well (seriously, the chick can do it all!).  just the title of her blog makes you want to read it!  so, people, visit her blog at Riding Bareback Beside a Train.  If you want to see all of her work, go here - - and buy something!  :)  Below are some of my favorites!

this is one of the ones i purchased for a playroom or for mia's room.  also, shhhhhh, i am going to get one in card format to send to my twin sister.  corrie, act surprised when you get it!  :)

this is one that i plan on purchasing in the future when i have a little corner all to myself for photography, crafts, etc.  i think it is hilarious!

 

i sooooooo want to get this print one day.  this is called "dream big. dream embarrassing big." 

 

how funny is this piece?

i am having a very difficult time making myself stop posting pictures of her work, because i love it so much and it is so hard to pick just one thing, but i hope that i have convinced you to visit her blog and website.  amazing could be hanging in your house very soon!  to wrap up this post, i have to tell you about a recent project abby completed.  we are mutual friends with a couple who just had a baby.  before their little bundle arrived, they hired abby to paint a mural in his nursery.  so, two pictures below of the elephant in the room and then two pictures of mia at the art show!

mia loving one of her new pieces of art and posing with "aunt becca" and abby.

after you visit abby's online store, come back here and leave a comment telling me which of her creations is your favorite! 

things i may...or may not...have done as a mom

being a mommy is tricky business.  you start out thinking of all the things you will or will not do as a mommy.  then, you become a mommy.  any honest mom will admit that it is a humbling business.  so, there you have it - tricky and humbling.

i started out with high hopes.  pre-child, these high hopes were MOST DEFINITELIES (this is a carmen-ism.  not actually a real word.  do not use in any official capacity), or MOST DEFINITELY NOTS.  

most DEFINITELY NOT #1 - mia shall not watch tv.  actually, we did really well with this one until recently.  recently, she has started waking up at night occasionally and being so upset she can't settle back down.  so, a few times, she simply gets to watch what mommy and daddy are watching.  in the past few weeks, this has been The Voice.  mia LOVES the voice.  when the judges are talking or it is a contestant interview, she gets quite antsy and the beginning of the fuss starts to show itself again.  as soon as the singing starts, however, she is glued to the tv.  she loves singing.  and The Voice.  and tv - apparently.

MOST DEFINITELY #1 - all of mia's food shall be home-made.  in my defense, i do make most of her food and it is healthy food.  every now and then, though, i mess up.  in colorado, i fed her a grilled cheese sandwich that we got at a restaurant (really, carmen?  greasy - duh).  i fed it to her on the train on the way up to pike's peak.  at the top of pike's peak, you have to eat the world-famous donuts.  she did.  that night was not a good night.  between the grilled cheese and the donut, her tummy was not happy.

also, we discovered crackers and cheerios.  you may be better than me and make your own crackers and cheerios...i don't.

MOST DEFINITELY NOT #2 - mia shall not eat sugar.  her first birthday - nuf said.

she got to eat two at her party.  and one the night before on her actual birthday. and ice cream. both days.

MOST DEFINITELY #2 - mia shall never have the opportunity to get to rooney's food.  yeah, right.

her taste preferences also run towards rocks, sticks, leaves, and my personal favorite - caterpillars.

these are only a couple of the MOST DEFINITELIES and MOST DEFINITELY NOTS, there are many more; but every mom needs a few secrets, right?

also, i may...or may not...have used used tweezers to get some especially stuck and stubborn boogers from my child's nose.

sharks are people, too!

last weekend we went up to d.c. to see my sister-in-law who was in town for a conference.  it was great fun getting to see her.  we had not seen her since mia was 6-weeks old!  it was mutual like on both sides, though you can't tell with mia in this picture!  actually, naomi could get mia to giggling pretty quickly.  it was awesome!

we all went to the baltimore aquarium.  i knew mia would love it because she LOVES the fish tank at the pediatricians!  she really loved the bubble tanks you see when you first arrive.

you could hear that child three floors up because she was so excited!  there was so much squealing, talking and yelling that not only were we laughing, but so were the other patrons!  she would yell when we would move from one display to the next, afraid that she wasn't going to get to see any other fish!

my little daughter waved at everything she saw that moved,

including this big guy!

i love that mia loves to wave at everyone and everything.  quite honestly, it is absolutely adorable.  i do hope, however, that as she gets older she will practice a bit more discretion at whom and what she chooses to wave.  until that time, why diss the sharks?

there's so much crazy in my head

this is what i told doug on sunday night and, though we were having a serious conversation, he started laughing.  i do love my husband for his laughter.  sometimes, that is all that keeps me sane.

i always try to make my blog posts fun, light-hearted and, above all, silly.  i do love silly.  and, let's face it, people, i am funny and witty.  but, sometimes, you just don't feel funny and witty; you just feel, well, like there's so much crazy in your head.  my crazy originates from the fact that i am at odds with God.  there, i said it. Quite honestly, i know of no other way of saying it.  i have been at odds with God for a good three years now, though it slowly started before then and has intensified in the last two years.  it has been rough.

there is a lot i question and don't understand:  truth, untruth, love, judgement, grace, mercy, death, hell,  fear, people, legalism, Jesus, mainstream christianity, radical christianity,...and on, and on, and on.  there has been a lot of fear wrapped up in the crazy, and a lot of shame and guilt.  the shame and guilt are slowly dissipating as i adopt for myself my favorite motto:  it is what it is.

i have been blessed with an amazing husband who lets me verbalize all of my crazy, question all of my questions, rant and rave all of my anger and frustration and cry all of my fears.   i have been blessed with an amazing woman at church who listens and helps me understand some of what i am feeling and assures me that she does see a thread of sanity through my struggles.  she tells me that it is okay if i can't pick up my bible right now, or if i am not yet brave enough to journal my feelings and thoughts on a particularly tough revelation.  she and doug both tell me that it is okay to be where i am.  that is pretty amazing - to have these people in my life.  

am i doing better than i was two years ago?  yes, actually.  i am not nearly as angry, though i'm not sure why.  i can even pray sometimes, now.  and, last week, i even got the courage to pick the bible up and read a bit.  granted, i had to stop pretty quickly as questions began to overwhelm me; but, hey, i picked it up.  last week, i couldn't have written this blog post, even though i know the people who are going to read it love and care about me.  and, i have been given permission to seek...as a seeker...not as someone who knows the bible pretty well and grew up in a strong christian home.

so, as a seeker, there are two questions i have been asking myself lately:  who is Jesus?   not, who do i think jesus is or who do you think jesus is, but WHO IS JESUS?  who does he say he is?  because, quite honestly, it doesn't matter who i think he is or who you think he is.  our belief or disbelief about him does not change truth.  he is who he is - hence, who is he?

my second question is:  what does it mean to follow Jesus?  again, i don't really know and don't want all of the theological answers.  i know those.  i know them well.  i need simple.  so, right now, i know that Jesus fed and said to feed the hungry.  i give food to our food pantry at church.  that is all i can do right now in this journey.  that is all i have in me to do right now.  

and, you know what, that is okay.  it is what it is.

things no one told me

-poop can, indeed, land on the wall...6 inches from the ceiling

 

-no matter how much sleep at a time you get, you will still be tired

-your social life...your what?

-you can never, ever again watch movies/tv shows in which a child is in danger 

-every day has moments of pure joy

-your heart is always a puddle, because her smiles melt it

-you suddenly like pink

-you never knew you could love such a little thing so very much

 i love being mia's mommy!  on days when *&^%$ happens, you just laugh...hysterically...and clean it off the walls!

CONFESSIONS OF A SEMI-CRAZY GARAGE-SALER

i grew up going to garage sales with my mom.  it was great time to spend with her and a great way to learn the fine art of saving money.  i then hit college and, seriously, i was NOT getting up that early on a saturday!  now, i am a breastfeeding mom who needs baby clothes, toys and clothing for me.  so, i have now returned to the world of garage sales.  why not?  i have to be up at 7am, anyway!

i began to notice the craziness this last saturday.  by the way, didn't get such a great haul last saturday, though the saturday before - boy howdy - i took home the bacon!  not really...but, i did take home some polo sport rain boots, brand new sweaters, a bumbo seat and an educational toy for pennies!  

back to the craziness...i noticed it in myself at the very first sale that was a few streets away from me.  i had seen the sign two days before and had just been waiting for saturday to arrive.  the woman had a huge box of clothes.  each item was $.25 or 5 for a dollar.  another woman came over to look and we were both going through the box at the same time.  i was chatting kindly enough, but the whole time by adrenaline is pumping and i'm thinking, "i have to get to things before she does.  darn it, she got that cute sweater.  i have to hurry."  i finally had to keep telling myself to quit getting stressed out about finding clothes that were only a quarter apiece!

my next bit of craziness happened soon afterward.  you know that something might be seriously wrong with you when, on a saturday, you see bright orange and get all excited.  a garage sale sign!  you drive closer and have an overwhelming sense of disappointment because it is only an elderly walker.  you then find yourself thinking resentfully that he should not be wearing that on a saturday morning.  first of all, it is 8am so there is no traffic.  furthermore, there are no crazy drivers out (excluding myself, of course) because they all drank too much the night before and are in bed.  yes, i actually have feelings of resentment towards this elderly gentleman and his penchant for safety.  i feel only slightly less resentful when i see a young jogger wearing a bright green vest and again assume that it is another sign pointing me to the sale of all sales.  GET IT TOGETHER, WALKERS/RUNNERS/EXERCISERS OF ALL AGES:  DO NOT WEAR BRIGHT VESTS OUTDOORS UNTIL 2PM!  otherwise i may accidentally run you over trying to find the sale that your vest so deceptively advertised.

my craziness does not stop with crazy, my friends.  it actually becomes PARANOIA.  i pull up to sales, get out of the car and start walking up to the house, when i suddenly realize that i forgot to lock the car.  i initially don't worry about it (for about 2 seconds), but then the paranoia kicks in.  it goes something like this:  

"well, anyone could just open the door and take something out."

"not a big deal, actually, because my wallet is with me."

"but what if someone wants the lincoln logs that i just got for $3?"

"or, someone leaving this garage sale could look in and see the brand new pair of leather work gloves that i got Doug for a $1 and decide to just subtly try the door and take them?  then i'm out my $1 and the gloves."

BEEP, BEEP.

yes, my friends, that was me remotely locking my car...at a garage sale...with my car right where i could see it.

and, yes, i do have conversations like this in my head all day long!

and, finally, it is really bad when you go out and garage sale from 7:45am to 10:30am, then come home to feed the baby, and then GO BACK OUT, because by then most people are tired and ready to cut deals!

we're all crazy. i accepted this fact about everyone else a long time ago!  i am finally at a point in my life where i am accepting and embracing that about myself, as well. i am crazy, paranoid and trying to better learn to be thrifty (it is noon and you really think i'm gonna pay $5 for that coat?  seriously, $2 for that baby sleeper?  i got one last week for a quarter, not a chance i'm paying more).

my point, other than a few laughs?  EMBRACE THE CRAZY, RESENT SAFETY-MINDED EXERCISING PEOPLE AND DON'T PAY MORE THAN A QUARTER FOR BABY SLEEPER.