How to Have a C-Section

     It's a pretty arrogant article title, don't you think? "How to Have a C-Section" - I mean, come on. Natural childbirth is harder, right? Probably, but I wouldn't know. My body just wouldn't have a kid naturally. In the, "No way, not having it, are you crazy, lady?" sort of way.

With my first kid, I was in labor for 20 hours, she still hadn't dropped (so high that the doctor couldn't even turn her) and she was sunny-side up. So, in we went and I vomited through the ENTIRE procedure. Fun times. She came out looking like an alien with the pointiest head I have ever seen. Thankfully, that corrected itself or she would have grown up looking like Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants.

My second C-section was much easier. In fact, it was the easiest of the three. I went into labor, a friend drove me to the hospital and stayed with me until my husband arrived, they put me in a bed and gave me drugs until the doctor could get to me. I'm funny when I am on drugs. A friend of mine, who is a twin, was one of my nurses during the C-section. After they doped me up, I told her I saw two of her, but if her twin was with her, I would be seeing four. Funny, right? I also talked a lot about Challa French Toast from a local diner. Then...oh, look...a baby!

This was pre-vomit..obviously.

My third C-section was also fairly easy. I mean easy as far as having a major operation at the same time you have a newborn can be. I went into labor, they took me back, gave me meds and I vomited. Of course, I vomited. The doctor wanted to know what I had eaten. Um, 1/2 of a hamburger and some ice cream, of course. Next question: WHY? Well, I didn't know I was going to go into labor. Duh. Then, another baby!

So, I still haven't answered the question, have I? How do you have a C-Section? Drugs, my friend. Drugs.