there are some health-related issues that really just flush any dignity you thought you had right down the toilet. yes, that was a pointed play on words, in case you were wondering. i have, all of my life, wished i were a dignified person. those who know me well should be laughing hysterically about now. actually, that could be said for those who don't know me very well, also. it takes a total of about 30 seconds within meeting me to realize that i never even make a guest appearance on any dignity list. i used to try. i really did. that was a confusing time in my life. i was probably about 24 when i even gave up the trying. i wasn't fooling anyone anyway.
so, back to the indignity of some illnesses. i have been sick a lot in my life. when doug and i were dating, we got into a "puking-story-war." he was finished after 3 stories. i could have kept going all night with my stories spanning several continents. i don't know that he let me get through even half of the really good ones before he asked me to stop sharing. i've filled enough plastic baggies in my life to have a landfill named after me.
clearly, a part of me still longs for a measure of dignity - some sort, any sort. when i think dignity i think of my mother. she is very dignified and the picture of southern gentility. i, on the other hand, put one more in mind of the crazy people featured on daytime talk shows. it's discouraging, really, and one could be tempted to wallow in that discouragement. i, however, have found a way to deal with my failure in the area of dignity. i simply refuse to believe that i'm a failure. i just have my own personal brand of dignity.
1). i have become quite dignified at extricating myself from embarrassing conversational mishaps that i myself have caused by putting my foot in my very big mouth
2). i am very dignified at recovering from a careless trip - over my own feet-in front of people-all the time
3). i am the picture of dignity when i meet someone i don't remember and should - i can play that one off like a champ
4). and what about when i....um...um... nope...that's all i've got.
so, i was wrong. i'm not that dignified. so why should one more undignified illness really matter one way or the other? i find that i still like myself okay most of the time. well, at least until that foot in my mouth starts tasting really bad.